Guess what I sang at Sunday School

I must start this by saying that Mike was, and will continue to be, the illest.

When I was about four or five, my parents began sending my sister and I to church every Sunday (good ole Catholic/Pentacostal guilt). Both of my grandmothers are walking bibles, and both of my grandfathers were only caught dead in a church. Needless to say, I was very conflicted about Sunday Mass.

As the grown folks shuffled into the pews, us chilluns were sent to the basement/dungeon for Sunday school. As I'm told, the teacher began to lead us through several church songs and hymns, and then she asked if any students knew any songs. Apparently, I jumped right up and shouted, "I do, I do!" Being the new student that I was, the teacher was eager to allow me to participate in the activities. That's when, according to my mom, things took a turn for the awkward.

I stood up, fixed my legs shoulder width apart, and began, passionately, to sing the following:

"Beat It! (Beat It) Beat It! (Beat It!)
No one wants to be defeated!
Show them how ____________
Show them how ____________
It doesn't matter--"

At this point in my rendition, I was promptly carried back upstairs to my mother, who then stared at me in horror.

If you ever meet my moms and MJ comes up, you'll hear the full story.

The Wakeup--Very good song, download it for free

Mercury the Maroon @ bandcamp.com

Mercury from The Dugout put his whole album, Higher Learning, up on Bandcamp.com for you, and me! You can download it for free, or name your own price! Sounds like good money to me!

The Wakeup--Mercury

R.I.P. Big L--7 minute freestyle feat. Jay Z

My uptown heritage wouldn't be half of what it is without the influence of Lamont "Big L" Coleman. I can't believe it's been ten years since he's passed on.

I first remember hearing L rap with the underground crew Children of the Corn, which of course birthed the careers of Mase, Camron, Jim Jones and others. L was the man then, and listening to his lyrics, still is today. Rest in peace brother.

Here's the 7 minute freestyle with Big L and a then little known Jay Z. This is one of my absolute favorite freestyles ever. Two perfect emcees demonstrating perfect flow. Big L's style was so underrated. He is a classic example of an emcee who makes what he does look easy. L gift was his ability to use words and scenarios that the listener could easily relate to, yet craft his wordplay in such a manner that the purest lyric-fiend couldn't deny it. You don't trust me? Try and write something as ill as L and hear for yourself.

Reporter throws shoe at George Bush

An Iraqi journalist tries to hit George Bush with a shoe! If only it could have hit him in his ass!

Faison Love hoo bangin on Funkmaster Flex--but why?

Listening to an angry dude from Cali speak is a linguistic experience everyone should have in their lifetime.

So Flex felt compelled to go hard at R. Kelly, and for some reason, Faison "Big Worm" Love, felt compelled to go at Flex! I thought even the hardest folk didn't defend child molesters:

Old School Video of The Week--JACKSON 5's Killing Me Softly

This version sounds so beautiful. Damn Mike, you gotta start sanging again. No typos folks, I wrote SANG-ing.

Calling All Libras

I went to a couple Librafest events last year. Real tough. This BBQ is going to be really special. Pass through if you're in Brooklyn.

I don't get strokes, I give them!

Hello world. The Barber's been out of commission for about a month, but for good reason. Just started my new gig as a 4th grade Special Education teacher. Sigh, moan, puff, pass. I've been keeping my evenings real high-rie to balance and counteract the madness I face at work.

This isn't my first go-round with teaching--been doing it since the turn of the millenium. My students were still sucking nipple and shitting in diapers when I started in fact. But this new experience just could be the challenge of my life to date. Here's a rundown of the disabilities my students [and I] are dealing with:

* Lead Poisoning
* Tourette's Syndrome
* Autism
* ADHD
* Schitzophrenia
* Dementia (hearing voices)
* Severe Emotional Disturbance

All of this in 14 students. Have I received any documents that instruct me on how to educate these kids? Nope. Did I have a classroom when I arrived on the first day? Nope. Should I have 14 students in a class that's legally only supposed to have 12 maximum. Nope.

Here's a rundown of some of the incidents that have occurred in the last two weeks. I have about six pages, front and back, of incidents already. From 14 students.

* Kid brings in handcuffs to class, cuffs himself to his own desk. Asks me for them at lunchtime so that he can "play" with them at lunch.

* One kid talks to his dead brother. Troubling, especially when you learn that he's an only child.

* Student picks up a cabinet, full of hard cover textbooks, and hurls it across my room. Student then proceeds to kick EVERY desk over, and destroy the math area, which is full of tiny manipulatives that can cause choking in small children. Student has to be restrained for a half an hour before he calms down. Student is not yet four feet tall.

* I ask, then tell, then scream at a student to sit down. He responds with a resounding "I don't give a FUCK!". He too has yet to hit the four foot mark.

* Student with lead poisoning climbs cabinet to retrieve the key for the closet, which must be locked to prevent student from gathering his things to make a swift exit from the classroom. Student almost plunges to his death before I catch him in mid-air. He responds with a resounding "Don't touch me!" Student is allowed to fall [gently] to the ground.

* Student pours glue all over teacher's(not mine) desk, then calls her a "fucking bitch, fucking ho". Teacher chases student down the hall and catches him in front of my classroom, which is playing host to the fourth grade team meeting. The entire team [except me] looks on in horror as teacher holds student down in a futile attempt to make him apologize. I guffaw inwardly as student responds, "I'm sorry you fucking bitch, fucking ho!"

That was this week. Can't wait till holiday season rolls around.

I almost quit on day 2, no joke. But then I remembered I was a fucking G (yeah, capita), and decided that no one, or their imaginary friends, will ever break me. To quote Jim Brown in Any Given Sunday, "I don't get strokes, I give 'em!"

Old School Video of The Week--Outkast feat. Cee Lo "IN DUE TIME"

I once read that Cee Lo was supposed to be the third member in Outkast. That would have been some shit. I wonder if the balance would still be there though. It's the balance in Outkast that makes them one of my favorites groups. Two Dope Boys in a Cadillac type shit.

This is one of those songs I had tucked in the back of my brain as one of my all time favorites. But because it was on a soundtrack, I never remembered to pick it up on one of my '90's rap re-ups. (I've bought Enta Da Stage and Dah Shinin and Ironman about five times each already) This song is beautiful, and the video is just as tough.

Mac man is still in it

My sincerest apologies to all who read the previous post.

Apparently, Bernie Mac is NOT dead. Thank God. There were rumors flying around everywhere, and even a scroll on CNN pronounced Mac to be gone.

Again, I hate to put such a thing on someone, please accept my apologies. Bernie Mac is a hero of mine, and I would never intentionally show any disrespect.

Bernie Mac always made me laugh

I can't believe he's gone. One of my favorite comedians, one of my absoute favorite negroes. On some real shit, I'm holding back tears right now.

Mac, you are one of the funniest to ever do it. This clip here is six minutes of the funniest shit I've ever heard in my life. Much love, much respect.

Fonzworth feat. Dre 3000 and Kanye West--"Everybody"

This song is dope as fuck. I could've done without the Fonzworth verse, but DRE 3000 makes this shit all worth it. I also appreciate these fellas for making a real video, not just some riding in a Cadillac bullshit.

Nina Simone, Porgy and Bess, 1962

Miss Simone. Really could be the illest ever. If they make women like this still, please hook me up. This performance makes me want to cry sometimes, it sounds so damn good.

Thank God for my Wallabee shoe, it done saved me!

Ghostface really can't do wrong in my eyes and ears. These are two joints that will forever remain hood classics. Fuck what you heard, listen to this, and then go slap somebody hard.

"Hit the gym for two weeks, my back all chiseled. Elbows unique now, meet the new me"


"Four hundred and fifty six on the diz-ice!"

Nas: Fried Chicken, feat. Busta Rhymes

"Nas what the fans want is Illmatic still..." This is creative shit right here. You be your own judge. Oh, and that annoying ass British dude is NOT talking over this version.

Let Your Soul Be Free-- Soul Banger video

Much love to Jah C of The New Rap Order/The Project/The Antidote. Soul Banger features Cavalier of The Dugout. It's easy to get trapped in the beat, but the lyrics are just as ill. Listen!

This could very well be the song of the summer...and the women in this video are choice!

More Tracy Morgan...

Reminds me of home...he tells the same half-drunk/half-high jokes, but they're funny as fuck. The "Star Jones is sweet like Bear meat" line had me on the floor.

A Pet Rock named Peeve

Just some shit that annoys the hell out of me, that probably never even registers on other people's radar of irritation:

1. The word is IDEA, not 'i-deer' or 'ideal'. Please pronounce the shit properly.

2.Sometimes it's hot outside, and I want everyone to acknowledge that shit. When you see me sweating like Ewing, that's not the time to tell me how the heat doesn't really bother you, or how you kinda like humidity. And if you have an air conditioner in your crib, turn that bitch on. I'm not the one for the 'isn't this fan doing the trick?' shit.

3. Ultra Vegetarians and/or Meat Lover Supremes: I don't give a fuck about what you eat, or how you think about what others eat. I've been a meat AND potatoes kinda fellow.

4. Girls who 'only have guy friends': You know those girls who'll tell you, "I hate girls. All of my friends are guys". Truth is, all them guy friends are merely waiting for their opportunity to smash you out. Reality bites.

5. Recent college graduates: You think you're the smartest people on the fucking planet, and you truthfully some of the stupidest. Special recognition goes to those who have studied the social sciences(i.e. Sociology, Poli Sci, Women's Studies, any ethnic studies). For most of you, you've just learned that the world is fucked up, and you feel compelled to patronize the whole world. Shut up and go get a job.

George Carlin dies at 71

I just woke up to read that George Carlin has passed away at age 71. If you don't know about this man, you should. He is basically Richard Pryor with no melanin. Made cursing an acceptable part of a comedic routine. I was just watching an old stand up show of his the other day, laughing my ass off.

You will be sorely missed.

My brother doesn't know who Carlin is, and is mocking my grief. He's a meanie. Kinda like when Joe Jackson scoffed at Michael when Ben died. Or maybe not. It's fucking early.

But Carlin's passing has made me realize just how wack today's comedians are. I used to stay up to watch Def Comedy Jam back in the day, and now I can't sit through one act. Why is it that so many people today have so little to say? Looking at our society today, there should be hours of material to work with. Yet people are still cooning and shucking and jiving. Here are some of the top comedians in the game now, along with my one/two sentence summary of their careers:

1. Dane Cook--He is actually a white coon. Says a couple funny things here and there, but America's obsession with people who 'just might be gay' is what makes him famous. In my opinion at least.


2. Steve Harvey--Can't front, I listen to his morning show every day on WBLS, but mainly because I can't bear to listen to Miss Jones' poultry-head ass(you pick a bird). He's moderately funny, but his country accent and loud talking is what gets him through.


3. Jimmy Kimmel--He makes me laugh on occasion, but he's a fucking schmuck.


4. Sarah Silverman--Something about her makes me feel like she doesn't bathe with any sort of regularity. Not funny at all. At all. She looks like an uglier version of this chick on HBO's "Tell Me You Love Me".



5. Mike Myers--Seriously? Why is this man continuing to earn money? I understand the Wayne's World/Austin Powers dynasty, but all great dynasties are destined to end.



Here are some people who are fucking hilarious, no matter what the fuck they say:

Patton Oswalt--That KFC bowl joke is fucking champion status.


Paul Mooney--I saw him perform straight from 7pm to 1 in the morning at Caroline's. I literally laughed myself to sleep.


50 Cent--My team has been said that he should become a stand up comedian. His timing is impeccable.

Summer Madness--I will be at this Block Party this Saturday

Apparently The Dugout has taken over mad streets in Brooklyn this Saturday as part of Make Music New York, an organization that puts on live outdoor shows throughout the city. This event below is the big one, but I hear there are shows at:

Southpaw (5th Ave and St. John's)
Solomon's Porch Cafe (Halsey St.)
Food for Thought (Marcus Garvey)


"The Take Over" Make Music New York
North 12th Street Block Party (between Bedford Ave. & Berry St., McCarren Park)

Hosted by The Dugout, The Real Live Show, New Rap Order, WheatBread Radio, CasaNova Studios, Boring Inc.
Saturday, June 21st, 12pm - 8pm

This Block party is definitely the place to be this first day of summer. A Street event like no other, this "Take Over" event combines some of NYC's most buzz worthy and innovative live bands with some of the region's most notable rising Hip-Hop front runners. With a music tent, Break dance crews, celebrity DJs, and FREE BARBECUE, this block party follows the lead of Dave Chappelle's landmark event by taking Brooklyn by storm. Come eat, listen, dance, celebrate, and be merry as we Take Over Brooklyn, the Brooklyn way this first day of summer as part of NYC's citywide Make Music New York festival!

Featured Acts
Sankofa Presents...
Nova Clutch
Gif
Caktuz Tree..?13 of Wheatbread Radio
The Real Live Show
The Dugout
The Antidote

Also Featuring
DJs Silva Sir Fa, DJs Stimulus & Dhundee of The Brooklyn Bounce, DJ Parler and DJ K-Black of The Urban Go Green Tour

sponsors
Smart Water/Vitamin Water
Honest Tea
WheatBread Radio

Event will also be streamed globally via internet radio on WheatBread radio of the PNC Network. Event will also air the following week on Local Television on NROtv. There will also be a virtual concert in Second Life's virtual Skybar, Cak'z Oasiz

This event is in conjunction with Make Music New York, a city-wide event of over 800 concerts to occur outdoors on the first day of summer, Saturday June 21st.
for information go to the timeout ny site